Blog Post from last week

Well it’s only my 5th day in Seattle and I’ve already pissed someone off. And I know she must have even texted my mom about it so that she’ll be disappointed in me. *sigh*

So this friend has really been excellent to me. She helped me with my college essay/application, she let my mom and I stay at her place even though she wasn’t even there herself, etc. etc., she’s been awesome to me. 

So what she said is, “I get dropped off around 7:30. If not it’s totally okay, I can always go to the library to study. :)”

And I really wanted to sleep in for like 2 more hours today. I just wanted a little bit of sleeping in time because I hadn’t gotten to de-stress yet and I’m worried about money and I just wanted 2 hours of extra sleepy time. So I told her, “well im definitely going to sleep in tomorrow because these past few days have pooped me out! but i will be studying with you soon :)”

So then she went off on me and got really upset that I wouldn’t do this one thing for her when she’s done so much for me, but I feel like she should understand that it’s my first week in town, I’m stressed the fuck out, I want 2 fucking hours of extra sleep! Is that too much to ask? Yes, it is. So now I’ll probably never get to sleep in on Thursdays because I have to fucking atone for my one selfish moment. Fuck.

And I woke up extra early for her twice already, AND I made her breakfast one of those mornings! And I woke up early to go downstairs, let her into my apartment, go back upstairs and let her inside only to have her say, “oh, my boyfriend’s here now, I have to go”. So it’s not like I’ve done nothing for her, I feel like I’ve been a good friend to her up until this point. I feel like she shouldn’t flip the fuck out so much over this one thing. I had one fucking moment of peace and I get criticized for it.

And I feel fucking terrible about it! But I don’t want to waste any more time feeling bad. There’s a certain point where feeling bad doesn’t do anything for anyone and you just have to move on. 

So I invited her over Saturday for a girl’s night and I told her we can talk this through and I can make us dinner and we can have hot cocoa and watch a movie and shit, and she hasn’t texted me back yet. I’m trying to make it better and she hasn’t answered.

These sorts of situations make me feel like I’m actually a terrible person, but I know I’m not. It was ONE FUCKING MOMENT that I wanted to myself. I haven’t even been here for a week yet, can you please give me a fucking break?? My ex was a terrible person. I know what terrible people act like. It’s not me. So let me make it up to you and get the fuck over it.