ひさしぶり

It’s been awhile since I’ve written a post on here, but I have a lot of feels that I need to get out. 

So… in the past, I have had a habit of falling hard and fast for people. I have a dude I’m currently interested in. At first, I was sort of objectifying him and just wondered what he’d be like in bed, but as I’m hanging out with him, I’m finding that I actually like him a lot. He’s the cutest damn thing, he’s nice to me, he says sweet and cheesy things, and he’s very fun and loud. 🙂 

So I’m at this point right now where I’m thinking about him all damn day, I could barely pay attention in class today. He’s stayed with me to wait for the bus for a couple different nights now, and last night we sat really close and our faces get really close when we talk. He told me I have a really nice smile and I kind of died. When we’re together, everything feels so natural. Like, we ran into a couple of his friends when we went out for dinner last night and for some reason everything just felt right. I just don’t want to be getting ahead of myself! Also, he’s from Japan and he’s going back in June. That kind of kills me and I don’t even know him that well yet. But if I’ve learned anything about life, it’s that if you like being with someone, you should fucking love hard. I’m just nervous about making a move, I’m just sort of scared about what could happen. But more in a way of awe than fear of rejection. I can tell there’s something between us, but I’m not sure if he thinks about me that much. Honestly, I have no fucking idea. I should probably just not think so much about that part. 

So… I’m wondering if I should try to make a move before he leaves for Japan for Spring Break, which is this Tuesday. If so, I’ve got less than a week and I’m nervous about inviting him over or something like that. There has to be some sort of reason for us to get together and I’m kinda stumped. What should I do? 

*sigh* Seriously though, his hand kind of touched my thigh yesterday, but it didn’t feel like it was on accident. Anyway, my stomach flopped when that happened. I’m already in too deep. 

I mean, ever since October, I’ve been seeing a particular friend with benefits at least like once a week and it got me thinking about sex in a different way. Like I wanted to experience sex with more people and get more notches in my belt just because I can. But when I really like someone, I don’t care about that stuff. I haven’t gotten laid in over a week, so I’m really damn horny, but I don’t feel so inclined to give my friend a booty call because I’m into this Japanese guy now. 

I don’t know, it’s interesting. I feel like I’ve already thought about this too much and if he’s not into me for whatever reason, I will get crushed. Thankfully I’ve gotten a lot of practice dismissing heartbroken emotions. So I know I’ll be okay. 

I think the reason I haven’t made a move yet is that I am really enjoying feeling all of these emotions we’re going through together and I don’t want to rush what will probably come naturally. It makes me excited. 🙂 Wish me luck, I’ll probably text him before he leaves! eeeeep