Slightly raunchy, but whatever

Alriiiight. So!

I have not updated on the Japanese dude situation. So… I saw him on Friday and as we were saying goodbye in front of the most popular library on campus, we hugged for a long time. Since this made me pretty confident that he was down with me, I decided to just go for it after we broke apart. I kissed him, and he kissed me back, and the world all made sense for a few minutes. After doing the whole “ok, we’re leaving now” thing and then kissing more anyway, I finally left to go home. He was busy during the weekend with various shit, but I saw him again today, and honestly, he makes me feel amazing. Which scares me. It makes me feel vulnerable. But he says the sweetest things that don’t make any sense. Like, “your thigh is charming” hahahaha I can’t believe he said that, he’s so fucking cute. And he said he feels cozy with me. 🙂 I just really like him a lot and I really hope that he doesn’t suddenly stop talking to me after our eventual sexy times. For some reason I’m always afraid of that happening, even though it’s only ever happened once. It was one of the hardest things for me to go through, so that’s probably why. 

Basically though, I was super wet today after making out with him on this bench outside for a couple of hours. He was sort of touching me between my legs, but not indecently so (if that makes any sense). I told him I like pain and he lightly bit my neck and it was so amazing. I need to tell him that harder is better though, if I say it in Japanese, that would probably do the trick.
I really wanted to just get on top of him and do my thing, but we were in public, so… that wouldn’t exactly have been a good idea. I did tell him though that he should come over early on the 30th for this party I’m having so that we can “do things” before people get here. I really want him so bad, but part of me is really scared that he’ll be done with me afterwards. The other part of me says “life is short, love hard!”. 

He’s so cute though, I don’t think he’s capable of treachery. He seems so gentle and kind, and he tastes like rosemary! Oh, and he is always super gentlemanly when we go out to eat somewhere. He always asks me if I want water or whatever else. I’m afraid of getting attached to him because he’s leaving in June. But I really just want to be with him while he’s here, he’s the cutest fucking thing. 

Ahhhh ❤ ❤ ❤

ひさしぶり

It’s been awhile since I’ve written a post on here, but I have a lot of feels that I need to get out. 

So… in the past, I have had a habit of falling hard and fast for people. I have a dude I’m currently interested in. At first, I was sort of objectifying him and just wondered what he’d be like in bed, but as I’m hanging out with him, I’m finding that I actually like him a lot. He’s the cutest damn thing, he’s nice to me, he says sweet and cheesy things, and he’s very fun and loud. 🙂 

So I’m at this point right now where I’m thinking about him all damn day, I could barely pay attention in class today. He’s stayed with me to wait for the bus for a couple different nights now, and last night we sat really close and our faces get really close when we talk. He told me I have a really nice smile and I kind of died. When we’re together, everything feels so natural. Like, we ran into a couple of his friends when we went out for dinner last night and for some reason everything just felt right. I just don’t want to be getting ahead of myself! Also, he’s from Japan and he’s going back in June. That kind of kills me and I don’t even know him that well yet. But if I’ve learned anything about life, it’s that if you like being with someone, you should fucking love hard. I’m just nervous about making a move, I’m just sort of scared about what could happen. But more in a way of awe than fear of rejection. I can tell there’s something between us, but I’m not sure if he thinks about me that much. Honestly, I have no fucking idea. I should probably just not think so much about that part. 

So… I’m wondering if I should try to make a move before he leaves for Japan for Spring Break, which is this Tuesday. If so, I’ve got less than a week and I’m nervous about inviting him over or something like that. There has to be some sort of reason for us to get together and I’m kinda stumped. What should I do? 

*sigh* Seriously though, his hand kind of touched my thigh yesterday, but it didn’t feel like it was on accident. Anyway, my stomach flopped when that happened. I’m already in too deep. 

I mean, ever since October, I’ve been seeing a particular friend with benefits at least like once a week and it got me thinking about sex in a different way. Like I wanted to experience sex with more people and get more notches in my belt just because I can. But when I really like someone, I don’t care about that stuff. I haven’t gotten laid in over a week, so I’m really damn horny, but I don’t feel so inclined to give my friend a booty call because I’m into this Japanese guy now. 

I don’t know, it’s interesting. I feel like I’ve already thought about this too much and if he’s not into me for whatever reason, I will get crushed. Thankfully I’ve gotten a lot of practice dismissing heartbroken emotions. So I know I’ll be okay. 

I think the reason I haven’t made a move yet is that I am really enjoying feeling all of these emotions we’re going through together and I don’t want to rush what will probably come naturally. It makes me excited. 🙂 Wish me luck, I’ll probably text him before he leaves! eeeeep