Depression can kiss my ass!

Welp. I’ve officially got 2 days left until I move in to Seattle.

My mom and I have spent a good amount of time buying lots of shit for me and I am pretty worried about money because I found out that my financial aid won’t leave me with a whole lot of room to live, it’ll just pay for everything except food and shit. So… I have to worry about finding a student job. I really do want to get one! I’m just bad at typing out my resume… But I’m going to utilize all of my resources and bust it out like a bad-ass and I’ll be okay in no time! 🙂

Also, I sent that guy that made out with me a text the next day and said “hey, this is Kelly from Powell’s :)” and he never responded, so I’m thinking either:

-he’s a weird musician guy that doesn’t make sense

-he typed his number in wrong

-or someone deleted the text like bitches would do in Gossip Girl

I’m not broken up about it, I’m just weirded out because he’s the one that came on to me. But hey, I got to make out with a really attractive dude, so go me!

I also wanted to talk about something really cool. I was just reading about Depression a little bit, and that made me realize that I fucking beat it. I was really sad for a couple of YEARS and I was getting to the point about a year ago where I was seriously thinking that suicide would be a really good option for me. So I started taking anti-depressants to build myself back up. I took them for 9 months and my most recent ex and his good friend were strongly encouraging me to get off of my pills. So I tried weaning myself off of them. One night I woke up from a bad dream and started feeling really freaky and bad, so I went to go cuddle with my mom and she suggested I take an anti-depressant. After that episode, I continued to take them, then I later weaned off of them completely. I think it’s been at least 2 or 2 and a half months since I’ve been off of them and I feel fuckin’ fantastic! I’m confident about myself, I feel good around other people, I feel like I have control of my life! 

I beat depression!! I kicked it in the face until it bled to death! It makes me really proud of myself to realize that and I feel like I can accomplish even more things. 

I’m awesome. 



Unexpected Kiss

My night took an unexpected turn of events for sure!

I was SUPPOSED to hang out with a couple of my friends and make characters for DnD. I’ve never played before and thought it might be fun to start. Alas, the plans got cancelled and by the time I was notified I was already eating at one of my favorite asian restaurants 15 minutes away from home. So I figured, since I’m only in town for a few more days, I may as well take one last trip out to Powell’s.

I went by myself because it’s nice to be able to explore everything without having to worry about someone else’s agenda. So I spent a while looking at all the manga and just generally perusing the store and I decided to sit down at the cafe with a K-On manga (I think it was just called K-On College or something). After about 10 or so minutes of reading, this guy sat one seat away from me and I immediately recognized him as the super cute guitar player guy from my community college that always hung out in the music building. I always thought he was a really good looking guy, but back then I didn’t have the balls to talk to hot strangers. So he looks at me and says “do you happen to know what time it is?”. And I said “it’s 7:53… by the way, don’t I know you from Clark?”. So we ended up talking for a couple of hours! He likes Seinfeld and the smell of old books. Even though he lives in Vancouver, he likes coming out to Powell’s to read and appreciate the atmosphere. He’s also kind of weird and awkward. But I know I am too. ;p

Anyway, when 10 o clock rolls around, he says “well, I should get going, but do you want to come have some coffee with me or something before you go?” (cause obviously I told him about how I’m leaving for Seattle this Saturday). So he put his number in my phone and he was SO slow typing out his name! It’s always weird to meet someone around my age that sucks at texting (he’s 26, by the way. that seems to be the age of dude that I attract).

So we leave Powell’s together and I walked him to his car and as I was saying bye, he went to hug me and when I was pulling away from the hug, he pulled me in and started making out with me! I was in complete shock! Then I asked him if that was any good because my ex told me that I sucked at kissing (he didn’t say that exactly, but that was his overall message) and he said “yeah, you’re really good at that, I want to do it again”. It was a bit awkward, but what kisses aren’t awkward at the beginning? It was nice though. And I find it odd that this happened to me today because I had a dream last night that I was kissing this guy that I have been sort of pining over for quite awhile (not in an “I love you way”, but rather an “I want to push you up against the wall and have my way with you” way). I wasn’t expecting it at all though. So then he says “well let’s get together and continue this sometime”.

Crazy, huh?? I’m really realizing at this point in my life that I seem to be someone that people are attracted to! I never really thought of myself that way, but the more people I meet, the more this seems to be true. And get this, this is what I was wearing:

An old League of Legends T-shirt and a heavy-ish button-up shirt (both of which used to be my brother’s, by the way). Apparently dudes can dig it though! When I was on the highway going into Vancouver earlier today, this cute blond guy kept looking over at me and I eventually smiled at him and he gave me the head nod. Also, when I was in Seattle wearing the same shirt, a guy repeatedly cat-called at me when my mom and I were sitting at a stoplight. I think the shirt possesses magical qualities! It’s not in any way sexy, but it sure gets the job done.

Also, I thought it was funny that I had to mentally stop my hand from grabbing his ass when we were kissing. I just realized tonight that if I’m standing up while kissing somebody, my right hand starts playing with their hair and my left hand goes for their ass.

There you go though. I have something to consider before I leave. ;p

1st PSL of the year

Ah, the Pumpkin Spice Latte. They’ve been out for at least a week or two now and I am finally enjoying one along with a chocolate marble mini loaf. The flavor of Pumpkin is so delicious and I’m so excited to be going back to school again with the Autumn atmosphere. 🙂 The University of Washington has such a gorgeous campus, even though it’s not an ivy league school, it sure feels like one when I walk around! I was told at my orientation that UW is the 16th best school in the country, but I just searched “top 20 best universities in america” and UW is #52 on one site and #55 on another. I wonder where the person that told us that got their info. Regardless though, it’s in the top 100, that’s pretty rad.  

I can’t believe I’m actually moving in 6 days though, it’s SO CRAZY!! I have never lived anywhere else in my entire life. My room has always been in the same place. Okay, I lived in Vancouver until I was 2, then my family moved to Washougal. So technically, the room I have now is the only room I remember having. But I’m so excited to leave all of my history and drama and ghosts behind. It’s everywhere I walk and drive and exist. It’ll be so nice to have a fresh start where I don’t have to worry about all that bullshit. And I’ll make new friends! New enemies too. ;P

And I’ll be living in Seattle! Rainy and wonderful! A city full of amazing discoveries and fish! The birthplace of grunge music! Not to mention a ton of asians live there and I am unabashedly a Japanophile.

Since my experience with my most recent ex, tattoos hold a sour place in my heart and I have been judging people that have them, but I think I need to stop doing that. Just because he had tattoo sleeves and was an asshole does not mean that everyone with tattoos is an asshole. But I’m still going to avoid dating people with them. The way my father puts it, “You shouldn’t make it any easier for the police to find you”. Because if you’ve got a tattoo, you’re just a little easier to find. I mean, I’m not a fucking criminal anyway, so I don’t know that it really matters anyway. Also, I have been thinking about Angel’s tattoo from the Buffy series and how I may or may not get it someday because BUFFY. Oh, and I just found out it’s an Irish thing. I’m Irish too! 😀

Anyway, I’m going to go now and see if I can’t get some studying done. 

7 months!

Wow, it has been over 7 months since I’ve posted anything! I haven’t been journaling either, I’m really bad at that. A lot has changed in my life!
I’m moving to Seattle next Saturday to start going to school at UW! I really can’t believe it’s finally happening. Part of me feels like my heart is going to be broken to all hell from missing my people and everything, but the other part of me knows for sure that I can’t wait to get out and this will be the best thing that’s happened to me recently! Two of my closest friends have a job at the same place right now and they’ve been making me feel a bit left out and loser-ish because I’ve been sitting around doing nothing/making mistakes for a few months and they’re both making money and having a different life that I’m not a part of. But I got accepted to UW and I’m going to study Japanese and get a really good job translating or teaching or something and I’ll be well off! That’s the plan anyway, I know those things don’t just happen because you want them to. I’m going to work really hard because I’m tired of doing nothing. I’ve done enough nothing for a lifetime. I’m going to grab my future by the balls and make it cry for mama!

In other news, I’m going to do some studying tomorrow morning at that Starbucks at the airport that I made a few blog posts at in the past. Perhaps I’ll think of a topic to write about before I get started studying, I want to get into this again. 🙂 Things I need to bring with me:

Laptop (and charger for just in case)
Textbook and Workbook
Pens and Pencils
Wallet for PSL or Salted Caramel Mocha :3
Earbuds for listening to Textbook CD