Hi, this is what I looked like today. ;P
There were some very annoying girls that I sat next to today in a study-area/cafe at my school. They talked very loudly and were probably running start students. But they seemed like really close friends, like they probably hang out all the time.
Also, I was snooping around a friend’s facebook page and noticed that they were making a reference to How I Met Your Mother that I understood and thought was funny, but it felt very lonely for me, because I started watching that show by myself after I broke up with my boyfriend.
I guess what I’m getting at here is that I’m quite a solitary person. But ever since I started taking anti-depressants, I’ve really enjoyed my alone time. A lot. Today I just felt quite lonely. Another thing that happened was, when I was driving my mom and I home tonight, my mom was rooting around in the passenger seat looking for some cord and she sort of distracted me and I swerved a little bit. She snipped at me a little for it and I said it was only because she was rooting around and she said, “well what if you have a friend in the car with you and they do the same thing?”. It was only then that I began to think about this stuff, because I never have any friends in the passenger seat. Ever. It’s only me, or me and my mom, or me and my dad, or me and my mom and one of my mom’s friends.
I feel like it’s so hard to have a close relationship with any of my friends since my best friend for 5 years royally fucked me over about 3 years ago. I still dream about her most nights.
I really want to spend time with my friends. I need to do something fun so bad, and I need to spend my vast amounts of alone time more productively.
Sorry about this weird post, I needed to get my thoughts out. My life is so weird.